We’re barely into 2017 and we’ve already been #blessed with some major pop culture moments: Mariah Carey’s New Year’s Eve debacle (we still live for you, Mimi!), Drake and J.Lo’s—maybs fake—new romance, and Kim Kardashian’s long-awaited return to social media (we missed her, tbh). Things we learned from her artsy Instas and all-too-brief Snaps: her hair is still witchy-long, she’s rocking denim so distressed it’s hanging on by just a few presumably v. expensive threads, and she might be trying to resurrect a long-forgotten early 2000s trend—the lip ring (refresher: both Christina Aguilera and Victoria Beckham rocked the look in the early aughts). What in the *actual* f? Whether it’s real (probs not) or faux or just a stripe of sparkly paint down the middle of her lower pout doesn’t matter; the web is already scrambling to find comparable lip accoutrements, and while we inevitably got behind the Kardashian-fuelled rebirth of the choker, “Dirrty”-inspired face jewellery is one trend we can’t endorse. Here, 10 other trends from the early 2000s we want to bury forevs along with that Kim Kardashian lip ring.
Newsboy hats, loooooong vvvvv pointy-toed boots and chain belts:
Lucky for us, Xtina is a maximalist and rocked many of the most vomit-inducing early aughts trends in single ensembles. Case in point: this monstrosity from the 2002 MTV VMAs where she inevitably decided nothing goes better with a *literal* scarf-as-a-top and glorified denim belt-as-a-skirt than a puffy newsboy hat, a completely necessary low-slung chain belt and sharp pointy-toed lace-up boots that make ones feet appear three sizes larger than they are. Honourable mention goes out to her black on bleach blonde streaks and super subtle make-up.
In “Other Early 2000s Fashion Items We Want to Burn”, we present: the tube top. Cameron Diaz rocked one to the VMAs the year before Xtina’s 2000s masterpiece (and it was almost certainly paired with a white gypsy skirt, but more on that horrifying trend later), and while this specific top doesn’t look bad on fit-as-a-fiddle Diaz, the onslaught of misshapen, sloppy, too-short, too-tight tube tops that accompanied it is a horror we simply can’t relive.
High-contrast streaky highlights (*shudder*):
Why did we ever think this was cute? Even Jennifer Aniston did it. We can’t.
Ah, the gypsy skirt, how quickly we forgot you. Your popularity was fast and furious. We snatched up as many of you in low-rise cuts and shitty fabrics as possible, wore you with wedges, “going out tops” and the above-mentioned chain belts, and then after wearing you until your cheap threads started splitting, we forgot about you. THANK GOD.